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Thursday, 14 February 2008

Monday, 01 January 2007

  • Attitude of Gratitude

    Reading over journal entries from the past year knocked the wind out of me.  At the beginning of 2006, I had no inkling how it would end; I hadn't a clue even mid-way through the year.

    But a pattern emerged: tension, frustration, confession, submission, surprise.  Different things have been hard to deal with over the course of the year, and I'm not proud to admit that usually, either fight or flight sets in.  I try to fix the problem or sedate myself; I run from the tension and from God.  I get tired, frustrated, hopeless.  I go home, smelling like pigs but finally ready to submit to the Father who I know is, at the very least, better to me than the others I'd found.  And He meets me on the way with unexpected extravagance.  My faith in Him has yet to be proven blind or misplaced; it's usually just too small.  This happens again and again and again.  At least I'm learning: my pre-submission detours are fewer and farther between.

    Following Jesus hasn't made me an optimist.  But it has made me a realist.  After walking, hiking, climbing a few tracks with my Lord and Savior, I look back, and the view takes my breath away.  The reality is that God is faithful.  Even in the midst of the hard things, my glass is not merely half full.  He is my portion; my cup runneth over. 

    Happy New Year, y'all.

Tuesday, 05 December 2006

  • Destination: Uganda

    It's official: I'll be working in Uganda starting February 2007.  I will live and work in Kampala, the capitol city.  This little detail is enough to make me jittery with nervous energy and slightly insomnious.  Is this for real?!  Deeeeeep breaths... 

    First order of business: very probing background check.  USPS willing, by Friday, my future bosses will know all there is to know about me on paper.  Came upon this typewritten note while scouring my files:

    december 20, 2000

    i told my sister in the car tonight that i'm through with being a law student that will become a lawyer.  i am fairly certain that i still wish to be a law student.

    writing on a typewriter makes me feel like a writer again.  especially when it makes a noise for each letter.  every letter mane means something to a writer, maybe except for those four up there that i struck out.  i am feeling bold tonight.  i just referred to myself as a writer, at least implicitly when i used "again," as if i had been one.

    if i were to write a recipe for a good writer, i would certainly include the following ingredients:

    typewriter - one that makes a noise per letter

    love of the written word - it is a writer's job to help others love the written word; one who does not like cookies has no business baking them

    a favorite food - know what it is like to crave and be satiated

    heartache - know what it's like to crave and be denied

    friends

    soulmate - believe in one, so as to understand why people search for one; distinguish it from common love

    imperfection - be merciful in looking at others, or at least honestly bitter when critical

    insipiration - be responding to SOMETHING when writing; there is no writing for its own sake

    quiet

    music - so that even when it's quiet outside, it would not be silent when there is joy inside

    that is all that comes to mind.  i will delay baking until i am sure i haven't left out any crucial elements.  in the meanwhile, school and friends and family and life shall keep me occupied.

    i hope i know what i'm doing.

Thursday, 30 November 2006

  • You Speak My Heart, Mr. Frost

    On Saturday, another dear friend will walk the aisle and take the vow.  A year and a half ago, I rejoiced over a similar occasion and mourned the natural and inevitable mutation of friendships over changes in time and geography. 
     
    While my joy has remained constant, my sorrow has changed.  In the course of planning the bridal shower, getting measured for a dress and participating in the various festivities, I found myself recognizing and grieving over the divergent calls on my life and the lives of most of my friends.  I do not long for or even fully understand their desire for marriage and family.  I cannot fully explain mine for adventure in faraway places. 
     
    I don’t doubt that my friends and I will support one another as before.  But we will not travel the same roads as companions or meet the same battles as comrades.  We have different callings and different priorities; my head understands and accepts this full well.  But my heart… it  aches a little.  I will miss having my sisters at my side.
     
    All of this brings to mind an old poem and the ambiguity of its concluding sigh – is it one of melancholy or relief? – which I’ve never felt so deeply until now. 
     
    The Road Not Taken
    by Robert Frost
     
    Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 
    And sorry I could not travel both 
    And be one traveler, long I stood 
    And looked down one as far as I could 
    To where it bent in the undergrowth;        
     
    Then took the other, as just as fair, 
    And having perhaps the better claim, 
    Because it was grassy and wanted wear; 
    Though as for that the passing there 
    Had worn them really about the same,      
     
    And both that morning equally lay 
    In leaves no step had trodden black. 
    Oh, I kept the first for another day! 
    Yet knowing how way leads on to way, 
    I doubted if I should ever come back.          
     
    I shall be telling this with a sigh 
    Somewhere ages and ages hence: 
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - 
    I took the one less traveled by, 
    And that has made all the difference.

Tuesday, 21 November 2006

  • Herpes and Prenups

    Say a woman took great care to be fiscally responsible.  She pays her bills on time, paid off her educational and credit card debts, saved them pennies for the proverbial rainy days.  If she later finds out that the guy she's been dating (and considering for marriage) is deep in debt and not financially responsible, is it ok to break it off with him for that reason?

    If she decides to forge ahead with the relationship, is it ok to do so on the condition that he sign a prenuptial agreement, so that their pre-marital assets and liabilities remain separate? 

    Is potential financial disaster that different from a latent herpes virus? 

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